Understanding the Challenge of Letting Go in Mindfulness
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Chapter 1: The Challenge of Letting Go
Letting go is frequently regarded as one of the most challenging aspects of the mindfulness and self-improvement journey. While we acknowledge its necessity, that realization doesn't diminish the difficulty involved.
At its core, letting go is about relaxation. It's not an act of force or exertion. In his renowned book The Power of Now, Eckhart Tolle likens the act of letting go to simply dropping a heavy bag. You don’t have to exert physical effort to release something; the burden comes from carrying it. To truly perform at our best, we must learn to relinquish this effort.
However, this is where the conundrum lies. If letting go is inherently easy and contrary to effort, why does it seem so daunting?
The answer often lies in how we frame this question, rather than in any specific breathing technique or meditation course.
Even Spiritual Seekers Struggle
During my stay at the Dharmakaya Center for Wellness in upstate New York, I encountered the true essence of letting go. One night, I found myself wide awake, battling a barrage of intrusive thoughts that prevented me from resting. Rather than sleeping, I felt compelled to control the incessant noise in my mind.
Let me share how I eventually found peace that night. The term "battling" implies action—specifically, an exertion of effort. In this instance, fighting is about doing.
I realized that to achieve rest, I needed to let go, yet I was uncertain of how to accomplish this. It was only when I ceased all action and allowed a feeling to wash over me that the mental noise began to quiet.
I embraced that feeling, permitting it to linger for as long as necessary, before I turned over and drifted off to sleep. It was as straightforward as that. The following morning, I reflected on the significance of what I had experienced—essentially, what I had allowed to happen.
Embracing Our Emotions
Feeling is an inherent human right. It distinguishes us from machines and adds richness to our lives. However, the emotions I experienced that sleepless night were far from pleasant. It was akin to the fight-or-flight response I've battled since childhood—a cold dread creeping up my neck and a gut-wrenching anxiety.
Here lies the unspoken truth about letting go: it can be incredibly uncomfortable. It's not an enjoyable process, and you cannot force it to happen. You must allow feelings to surface and flow through you to truly let go.
That night, I came to understand that I had been using thought to combat feeling for most of my youth. Thankfully, I grasped this lesson in my 20s, before it was too late.
Life After Releasing
A powerful visual analogy for letting go is found in the film World War Z, where an infected individual allows a swarm of zombies to pass by, targeting the healthy instead. This character recognizes their inability to fight back and surrenders completely, emerging unharmed.
This is what letting go entails—it's about permitting, allowing, and feeling emotions rather than rationalizing why they shouldn't exist.
You may encounter the term "surrender" in self-help or mindfulness literature. While it sounds dramatic, remember that letting go is fundamentally about feeling, and feeling equates to freedom.
If you've forgotten the initial question posed, it was: Why is letting go so challenging if it's not inherently difficult? I hope you now have a fresh perspective on this question. Feel free to share your thoughts in the comments.
To wrap up, here’s a 7-step guide to mastering the art of feeling.
7 Steps to Embrace Your Emotions
- Take a deep, mindful breath.
- Recall something that brings you comfort—this could be a loved one's face, a cherished memory, or a soothing thought. This will serve as your anchor for the exercise.
- I won't suggest that you stop thinking; that's a tall order, even for monks. Instead, allow the feeling you are resisting to flow through you.
- As the intensity of that feeling approaches its peak, keep your anchor in mind.
- Breathe and let the emotion pass through you.
- Relax.
- Once the feeling subsides (usually within 30 seconds), reflect on how intense that experience was on a scale of 1 to 10 and consider whether you could allow this feeling to arise again. Finally, take note that you are still here and alive.
This video titled "Guided Meditation and Energy Clearing to Let Go of the Past and Negative Emotions" explores techniques for releasing negative feelings and embracing mindfulness.
In "Peter Russell & Shauna Shapiro - 'Letting Go' in Meditation", the speakers delve into how letting go can transform your meditation practice and overall well-being.