Chapter 1: The Impact of Past Experiences on Our Perceptions

Our feelings, whether positive or negative, significantly influence how we perceive those around us.

Photo by charlesdeluvio on Unsplash

In the realm of psychology, the term “trapped prior” refers to a viewpoint that is distorted by previous experiences. If not addressed, these trapped priors can evolve into serious phobias. For example, a person might develop an intense fear of dogs following a childhood incident of being bitten.

While not as severe, our trapped priors can still impact our perceptions of others. Have you ever felt an inexplicable dislike for someone? Perhaps a minor incident caused you to feel uneasy in their presence. This phenomenon is humorously captured in the “bitch-eating-crackers effect,” where someone’s actions, however benign, become the subject of disdain purely based on prior feelings.

Conversely, we often treat individuals who evoke positive feelings in us better than they may deserve. Research indicates that attractive individuals often receive superior treatment, earn higher incomes, and have greater success in their careers. Our treatment of others is often swayed by how they make us feel, which is significantly influenced by our past experiences.

Trapped priors exist because our perception of reality isn’t reset each time we see the world anew. Instead, it involves organizing and interpreting sensory input, heavily influenced by past patterns and experiences.

One effective way to illustrate this concept is through an optical illusion. Observe the chessboard below, noting how square “A” appears darker than square “B”:

In truth, both squares are the same shade of gray. When the contextual elements that create this perception are removed:

Everyone sees two different shades due to the way our brains interpret visual information based on previous patterns. Our past shapes our view of the present, causing us to perceive situations through the lens of what we have previously experienced.

Reflecting on my own life, I realized that my perceptions of my parents often caused tension. Despite being an adult, I would regress to a teenage mindset during family visits. This confusion stemmed from childhood experiences coloring my adult interactions.

Releasing Your Trapped Priors

In relationships, it’s crucial to let go of these trapped prior perceptions. If we could approach our views of others like the optical illusion—removing the biases—we could enhance our connections.

While it may not be simple to eliminate the “bitch-eating-crackers” type of perceptions, there are steps we can take. By actively working on these biases, we can pave the way for understanding and reconciliation.

Section 1.1: Strategies for Changing Perceptions

1. Reframe Your Perspective: Becoming a parent shifted my view of my own parents from authority figures to fellow humans. They, too, have flaws and are doing their best. By recognizing their multifaceted nature, we can cultivate healthier relationships.
2. Assume Positive Intent: I previously mentioned that giving others the benefit of the doubt is fundamental to kindness. Most people typically mean well. By adopting a mindset that presumes good intentions, we can reduce conflict over misunderstandings.

One of the most rewarding aspects of learning to release trapped priors is that it allows us to also let go of negative self-perceptions. Many individuals miss opportunities for growth simply because they believe they are incapable due to past failures.

Every day presents a new opportunity to seize control of our time and direct it toward our goals. By freeing ourselves from outdated beliefs about our capabilities, we show ourselves compassion and increase our chances for success.

Nir Eyal, a former lecturer at Stanford, is the acclaimed author of Hooked: How to Build Habit-Forming Products and Indistractable: How to Control Your Attention and Choose Your Life. His book Indistractable has received numerous accolades, including recognition as one of Amazon's Best Books of the Year.

Chapter 2: Understanding Emotional Resilience

In this insightful video, “What to do when you can't shake the blues,” viewers are guided on managing feelings of sadness and finding ways to uplift their spirits.

The second video, “How to Stop Struggling With Anxiety and Intense Emotions,” provides practical strategies for processing emotions effectively and navigating through challenging feelings.