Chapter 1: The Weight of Existence

Life often presents us with unforeseen challenges, and sometimes, even humor can be stretched to its limits. Last Thursday was a particularly tough day for me when my beloved Penny faced a serious ordeal. Thankfully, she’s recovering well, but I find myself feeling increasingly drained.

Adding to this emotional turmoil, I’ve encountered a peculiar situation on Medium where I seem to be the target of multiple unwanted interactions. While I have no issues with intimacy, the barrage of unsolicited attention has become overwhelming. I’ve had my fair share of experiences, but I'm currently content with my own journey and don’t seek further exploration.

In the midst of this chaos, I’ve been reminded of the physical struggles I’ve been facing since late August. The constant notifications and changes from these unfamiliar accounts feel like an invasion, highlighting my own vulnerabilities. It’s a stark reminder of my ongoing health issues that have been exacerbated by the negligence often encountered in the medical field.

Self-advocacy is becoming necessary once more as I navigate the complexities of my health. Despite the care of my dedicated surgeon, Dr. Sunil Bhoyrul, and my compassionate rheumatologist, Dr. Mahmood Pazirandeh, I find myself battling persistent pain that hinders my ambitions. Recent treatments have not yielded the relief I hoped for, leaving me questioning the future.

Death Cometh Stilly: An Introspective Journey

I often reflect on what hell would resemble for me. A never-ending cycle of mundane announcements and petty squabbles, coupled with enticing yet unattainable food, paints a bleak picture. This ongoing pain and exhaustion feel all too familiar, leading me to ponder whether this is my own version of hell.

Despite my current struggles, I remain determined to complete my science fiction narrative. However, the desire for a meaningful conclusion compels me to wait until I can approach the writing process with a clearer mind. Recently, I’ve found it challenging to maintain a positive outlook, and my physical limitations further complicate my creative endeavors.

Chapter 2: Fertility and Future Considerations

The discussion surrounding fertility in the United States is complex and multifaceted.

According to the National Vital Statistics System, the expected number of births over a woman’s lifetime has varied significantly between 1940 and 2018.

The total fertility rate indicates the number of children a woman would typically have if she followed the specific age-related fertility rates of the given year, derived from various statistical reports and data sources.

I find myself reflecting on the passage of time and the choices I’ve made, often feeling as though I am merely checking boxes in life. It’s a struggle to keep track of my existence when I feel disconnected from my surroundings.