Embracing My Bisexuality: A Journey Towards Authenticity
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Chapter 1: Discovering My Identity
Growing up, I was often labeled as “sensitive,” which meant I shed tears easily and faced bullying because of it. At around 11 or 12, I came to the realization that I was bisexual. However, this awakening occurred during the Reagan era, a time when the AIDS crisis was rampant, and societal attitudes toward queer individuals were overwhelmingly negative.
If I had been raised in a metropolitan area with a robust LGBT community, my experience might have been different. Unfortunately, I spent my formative years in a small town with a population of 5,000, where derogatory terms like “homo” and “f*g” were commonplace, both among kids and adults.
When I turned 16, my family left our small town for Rochester, NY. Although Rochester isn’t a major city, its population of 200,000 offered a significant contrast to my previous environment. There was more diversity, more opportunities, and a sense of freedom that I had longed for. Attending a high school with openly gay students and having a bisexual mother who began to explore her own sexuality helped me feel a little more accepted.
However, I carried the homophobia from my small-town upbringing with me. When my best friend from that town came out as gay, he challenged me about my own sexuality in a heartfelt letter. I, however, denied any non-straight feelings. For years, I struggled with feelings of inadequacy while he bravely lived his truth in a place that was hostile to our identities.
A Shift in Perspective
The level of homophobia in the 1980s is difficult to convey to those who didn’t experience it. Today, derogatory remarks about queer individuals are met with outrage, while back then, they were often found in op-eds in major newspapers.
It wasn't until my late 20s that I fully embraced my bisexuality, and my first sexual encounter with a man didn’t occur until my 30s. (And yes, it was a positive experience.) Even now, I continue to explore what it means to be a bisexual man, supported by my marriage to a bisexual woman.
Fortunately, the societal landscape has changed. I witnessed the transformation of public support for same-sex marriage, evolving from a minority opinion to a significant majority. We’ve seen shifts in media representation, from “no homo bro” jokes on shows like Friends to authentic queer relationships in series like She-Ra.
Now, as a parent of children who identify as gay or transgender, I am thankful they can grow up in an era that offers them freedoms I didn’t have.
Though we have made significant progress, there has been a troubling backlash. Right-wing extremists are actively targeting our transgender siblings, leading to a climate of fear and violence. Figures like Scott Esk, who is campaigning for a state House seat in Oklahoma, have even called for violent retribution against people like me.
Finding My Voice
This backlash fuels my anger, yet it also strengthens my resolve to live my truth openly. For a long time, I hesitated to identify as part of the LGBT community, but recent events have compelled me to embrace my identity fully. I refuse to allow anyone to push me back into the shadows, regardless of their threats.
You don’t have to come out or be vocal about your identity if that doesn’t feel safe. However, it’s essential to reject stereotypes and express your true self in whatever way feels right. Share your feelings, be vulnerable, and embrace all aspects of your sexuality. Whether it’s wearing pink, donning a dress, or openly crying at the end of The Iron Giant, remember that life is too short to hide who you are.
The first video, "Everything You're Too Afraid To Ask A Bisexual Man," explores common questions and misconceptions about bisexuality, offering insights from a bisexual perspective.
The second video, "An Honest Conversation on Male Bisexuality," features a candid discussion with Chase Ross, addressing the complexities and realities of being a bisexual man.
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