Agreeableness

The study emphasizes that agreeableness revolves around one key concept: being attuned to what others require and fulfilling those needs.

This could be as straightforward as preparing a cup of tea for your mother-in-law upon her arrival from the airport or as intricate as having a profound conversation with your best friend about their career aspirations. Ultimately, your responsiveness to others' needs influences whether you are perceived as agreeable.

Looking for ways to enhance your agreeableness? Seek opportunities for collaboration and teamwork, whether at work, school, or home. You might work with your spouse to create a chore schedule for your child or volunteer for a group project at school.

Agreeableness often gets a bad reputation for sounding like submission. Society tends to celebrate assertive individuals, but in reality, being agreeable is a challenging trait that requires consistently prioritizing others, which is why it ranks high in likability assessments.

Extraversion

People often view extroversion and introversion as opposite ends of a spectrum. On one side, you have the life-of-the-party type, while on the other, there's the focused and ambitious introvert. However, it's more about where you feel at ease.

Recognizable extroverts thrive in familiar social settings like work or school but may feel more introverted in new environments. Conversely, an introvert might shine at a niche gathering where they feel confident.

To develop more extroverted qualities, focus on areas where you feel self-assured or find methods to boost your confidence within social circles. For example, when I relocated to Boston, I made a conscious effort to enhance my appearance. While this didn't entail makeup, I did brush my hair and moisturize my skin, which helped me feel more confident and likable at gatherings.

The Essential Ingredient: Emotional Competency

The study revealed that agreeableness and extraversion alone are insufficient for true likability; a crucial third component is emotional competency (EC).

Defined as the ability to identify, express, understand, regulate, and utilize one’s own and others’ emotions, emotional competency plays a significant role in likability. The findings indicated that individuals who were extroverted but lacked emotional competency were not particularly likable, nor were those with low extroversion and high emotional competency. To achieve high likability, one must possess both traits. The theory is that while extroversion enables you to build relationships, emotional competency is vital for sustaining them.

Improving emotional competency can be challenging, but it is achievable through four main attributes:

1. Self-management: Regulate your impulses and manage your emotions effectively.
2. Self-awareness: Recognize how your emotions affect you and understand your strengths and weaknesses.
3. Social awareness: Grasp the needs and emotions of others.
4. Relationship management: Cultivate and maintain healthy relationships.

There are both internal and external aspects to consider. The first two areas can be enhanced through practices like meditation and journaling. By labeling and managing your emotions, you can identify areas for improvement.

To bolster social awareness, focus on picking up nonverbal cues such as body language and eye contact, especially during meetings. Enhancing relationships boils down to effective communication, including being mindful of your nonverbal signals and resolving conflicts, even in uncomfortable situations.

What If I Don't Want to be Likable?

If you're content without the need for social acceptance, this article may not be for you! But for those like me, who cherish the idea of being liked and the joy of making favorable first impressions, identifying areas for growth can be beneficial.

Even if you occasionally wish to embrace being unlikable, having a high level of emotional competency is advantageous in any interaction. Most of us are not superheroes or protagonists; we are simply human beings, inherently social and stronger together. The ability to connect with others and foster meaningful relationships is important. If this resonates with you, I hope this article proves helpful.

The first video discusses the ten traits that enhance likability, providing insights into how to embody these characteristics in everyday life.

The second video breaks down the eight essential traits of likability, offering a deeper understanding of how these traits can influence your social interactions.