Chapter 1: Introduction to My Journey

This piece is dedicated to those who may feel isolated in their twenties, grappling with their sense of self.

Dear university,

I have a love-hate relationship with you.

As I approach my 30th birthday, I find myself reflecting on my twenties, filled with insights and lessons that I feel compelled to share. I am grateful to say that I carry no regrets; dwelling on the past is unproductive. We cannot control the circumstances we face, and my guiding principle in life has always been to give my best effort. I've learned that my "best" can vary day by day, but that's a discussion for another time.

Having immigrated to Canada from Iran at the age of six, my upbringing as an immigrant in North America has been a tumultuous journey that remains underexplored in conversations.

As a child, it was easy to place blame on my parents. The experience of an immigrant child involves acclimating to a new environment while watching parents struggle to navigate their new reality—juggling meals, financial challenges, and language barriers.

For far too long, I directed my frustrations towards my parents for my circumstances, overlooking the immense gratitude I owe them for bringing me to a country where I enjoy safety and autonomy.

How does this connect to my university experience?

The immigrant narrative often revolves around education as the primary vehicle for success. There are countless jokes about strict immigrant parents who pressure their children into careers in medicine, law, or engineering. However, we seldom discuss the psychological ramifications of this mindset and how it shapes the offspring of these immigrants. Frequently, they develop a risk-averse attitude, influenced by their parents' survival mentality.

I was a young girl wrestling with my identity, learning new languages, and doing my best to navigate this new world. With no role models around and parents relying on me for adult responsibilities, education was the only path I knew.

What did this lead to?

I evolved into a student who sought external validation from institutions, a mindset that followed me into my professional life. As I slowly lost touch with my true self, I devoted myself to corporate America, only to learn a crucial lesson that would shape my current outlook (but that's another story for another time).

Education had a grip on my life like no other force. My identity became intertwined with academic achievement, as it represented the only route to success my parents knew—a path they were unable to pursue themselves. Society revered university degrees, and STEM fields were deemed the only viable options.

Repeatedly, I made choices aimed at pleasing others. On one hand, I was passionate about learning and eager to delve into social sciences, eager to explore ideas often restricted to Iranians. On the other hand, practicality loomed large, making STEM fields seem like the only acceptable choice.

After an unsuccessful bid to become a statistician, I shifted gears and embraced sociology, ultimately finding joy in the critical thinking skills this discipline fostered.

My degree and years in the corporate world led me to realize that the education system conditions young minds for a predetermined path.

For over two decades, we are not taught to embrace risk or uncertainty. Instead, we are instructed to adhere to authority and follow a set plan, under the illusion of guaranteed success.

From kindergarten to university, we are consistently rewarded for compliance. Upon reaching the final milestone, we may worry about the future, yet we feel confident that we possess the tools for success.

You secure a job and continue to apply this mindset. You follow authority and receive a paycheck, becoming addicted to that stability, thus remaining risk-averse.

Your lifestyle becomes intertwined with your earnings; you work diligently, endure constant fatigue, and find it challenging to unlearn an ingrained mindset.

However, a pivotal moment in life can awaken you to the realization that you are merely a cog in a vast machine. This isn't just a headline shared on social media; it’s a profound awakening. You begin to observe society, recognizing its design, the corruption, the bureaucracy—how the government functions effectively when it serves its interests, and how it stalls when it benefits individuals. You come to see that those you idolized are often not as exceptional as you thought, and that corporate titles may hold little real value. You witness the prevalence of nepotism and the toxicity that pervades various industries.

I am pleased to share that I pen this from a place of growth, having moved beyond this limiting mindset.

I write this for those who lack role models to emulate.

My hope is that by sharing my story, you realize you are not alone and that it’s never too late to make transformative changes in your life—even if unlearning your old ways proves to be one of your greatest challenges.

This video explores the unique experiences of being the eldest daughter in an immigrant family, shedding light on the expectations and pressures faced in this role.

Chapter 2: Overcoming Cultural Identity Challenges

In this video, the speaker shares their journey of overcoming a cultural identity crisis, illustrating the struggle of reconciling different aspects of one's heritage.