Chapter 1: Prioritizing Yourself

As I journey toward a life that reflects my true self, I've realized that prioritizing my needs is essential. This is a lesson I believe everyone should embrace.

Photo by Aditya Saxena on Unsplash

Having been a people-pleaser in the past, I've come to recognize the significance of fulfilling my own needs to become the best version of myself. This has been a challenging process, especially since my self-worth was often tied to others' opinions of me. Growing up, I was led to think that taking up less space was preferable, which caused me to neglect my own desires and requirements.

Now that I'm older, I have the power to make different choices. I can pursue my needs and satisfy my desires, yet I still face challenges. I often grapple with the guilt that arises from simply considering my wants. I tell myself that wanting new clothes is unnecessary since I already have enough. I question whether it's justified to spend money on a manicure or if I should just let a family member cut my hair instead.

This internal struggle stems from a scarcity mindset—the belief that resources are limited and that desiring too much for myself is greedy. After all, greed is one of the seven deadly sins, and wanting more can feel like a moral failing.

Admitting this is difficult, but it's a vital truth that people-pleasers must confront to move forward. Wanting more for myself doesn't make me a bad person. Occupying more space doesn't mean there's less for others. We live in a world abundant in resources, and there's enough to share.

I constantly remind myself of this to avoid slipping back into old patterns driven by fear. Fear that I will be judged negatively for making decisions that benefit me but may not align with others' expectations. Fear that I’ll be perceived as selfish or greedy.

There exists a delicate balance between fulfilling your needs and succumbing to greed. This line is drawn by whether you are comfortable with others having as much as you do. If you can accept that everyone can have equal or even more than you, then you are in a healthy place. However, if you seek to have more than your peers to feel superior, that is problematic.

After twenty-six years of ignoring my needs and desires, I'm beginning to acknowledge them. Yet, I still grapple with discomfort; guilt haunts me. Guilt for disappointing others who expect me to act differently. Guilt for prioritizing my needs over someone else's and establishing boundaries. Guilt for being labeled ‘difficult’ because of my choices.

This journey is not easy. As I write this, I feel a tightness in my throat from a difficult conversation I need to have regarding my career direction. I've decided that I want to pivot from my current path, believing that I need to follow a different route.

I must communicate this decision to others, and it feels daunting. I often feel guilty, believing I’m letting many people down. I feel like I'm disappointing myself for not completing something I initiated. But in truth, I didn’t genuinely start; I merely claimed I would follow through.

Though I agree with everything the opportunity I accepted years ago represents, my heart isn’t in it. I’ve made little progress during this time, and I realize I should have listened to that inner voice urging me to recognize that I’m here out of obligation, not desire.

Oh, the guilt that arises just from acknowledging this! Yet, I must express my wants and needs. I can’t spend my life seeking the approval of others.

I might be mistaken, and perhaps I’m making a wrong choice, but it’s a risk I’m willing to take. Deep down, I believe it will guide me toward the right path. If I'm meant to return, I will.

I am grateful for the experiences I've had thus far. They taught me to be less fearful, to take action despite the messiness. I’m about to embark on a tumultuous journey, but I feel excitement for it, as I’m less afraid this time.

I hold immense gratitude for the individuals who have accompanied me on this journey. They’ve demonstrated what it means to pursue dreams regardless of others' opinions. They've modeled a fearlessness that I never thought I could embody.

I look forward to the journey ahead. While I may not have a clear vision, I know the steps I will take.

I hope that sharing my experience inspires you to move closer to your own aspirations. I’ve never felt so exposed in the face of uncertainty, yet I’ve also never felt more at ease with it. I’m thankful for this realization because it signifies my confidence in facing whatever lies ahead. I hope you find that confidence as well.

Chapter 2: Understanding Your Needs

In this video, "How to Meet Your Own Needs (For Love, Romance & Emotional Connection)," explore how prioritizing your emotional and relational needs can enhance your life.

The video, "If I Can Meet My Own Needs, Why Be in Relationship? + 3 Steps to Release Suffering in Love," discusses the importance of self-sufficiency in relationships and how to let go of unhealthy attachments.