I’m 30 soon. All my late twenties, 30 has loomed like a cloaked figure on a misty street, one gnarled finger beckoning me to some dark and terrible fate involving wrinkles, grey hairs, dead eggs, big bills, bigger hangovers, new fat deposits and a keener sense of my own mortality. Interestingly, the closer I creep…
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There’s nothing more annoying than some self-professed wellbeing expert telling you how to live your life in the middle of a government-enforced lock-down. Especially when it’s threatening your livelihood and riddling you with anxious visions of a summer spent in a darkened room spooning jam into your mouth under your face-mask because all those people…
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Before I flew to Costa Rica to study yoga, before COVID-19 frightened the world into lock-down and everyone suddenly became oddly possessive of toiletries, I visited my favourite book shop (Much Ado Books in Alfriston) and collected a little selection of second-hand titles to take home in return for a donation of peanut butter and…
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Do you ever feel lonely? Before you curl up in a ball of despair thinking that you’re just a terrible/boring/strange person that no-one will ever want to spend time with, consider the following: 1. Make friends with inanimate objects Who said friends have to be human beings? Who said they have to be alive at…
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A few years ago I was walking home from work (along the beach at sunset, in summer – it was really beautiful) and I started feeling like I was going to die imminently. I felt strangely light – no mean feat for me at nearly six feet tall, and my body suddenly felt very…otherly. It…
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Sometimes on my drive to work in the mornings, I gaze out of the car window (usually the front one) at passing fields and wish I was a horse. Horses spend a lot of time in the countryside eating. They’re occasionally ridden. They have nice hair. But then the very fact that I am able…
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It’s just like something out of a wonderful fairy tale. On her 25th birthday, every female in the United Kingdom is sent a special letter from the National Health Service inviting her to attend a beautiful, magical ball to dance the night away with a harem of really good looking strangers. Only joking. She’s invited…
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I have. I started writing a blog about ASMR one year ago. I didn’t finish it because the more I wrote about it, the weirder I felt, like those people on Channel 4 documentaries who fall in love with fairground rides and car exhausts, and you think – why are you on telly admitting to…
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“Where did you get that from? Guatemala? Honduras?” I followed the Waitrose check-out lady’s gaze to my crotch area. Ah yes, I was wearing a multicoloured bumbag. Not for fashion reasons obviously, but as a nifty hands-free receptacle for any guinea pig grass I happened to find on my walk (I live in quite a…
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Remarkable, just how much you can manage to not achieve if you really put your mind to it. For example, in the last 12 months (8,760 hours) I have managed to achieve practically nothing of any note whatsoever.
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